YOU'RE Haram!

“Shutup! YOU’RE Haram!”

This phrase seems like it’s about to come in real handy (props to @FouseyTube).

Especially since someone decided it was time to stamp out the female form from public view. Yup, women are good enough to give you life, but God forbid you should have to look at a print of one in the street! The horror – the shame!

The national effort to eradicate women by (not-so) slowly indoctrinating our ladies to adopt the ‘ibaya/burka/ invisibility cloak as their new uniform has come up with an ingenious and much more effective method – one that eliminates women from advertizements such as flyers and billboards.

It started off with spraypainting women’s faces in black on billboards and placards around the city. Then someone was like, “hey~ why waste all that money on spraypaint when you can just take them out all together? and what’s more, all that money we spend on female models and black spraypaint we can just save and then divide amongst ourselves!” and many a back was patted and many a pocket was fattened thanks to this great initiative.

Okay, so maybe it didn’t quite go like that. But the point is, all of a sudden ads which previously had women in them conveniently didn’t, and (not-so) little by little women completely disappeared from the Khartoum advertizing landscape.

Then a couple of weeks (maybe a month) ago someone was like, “but you guys, what about ads that are targeted towards families? or just women?” and then there was a lot of humming and hawing but then that same dude from last time was like, “i got it! cartoon characters!” and there was much rejoicing and he totally got a fat bonus.

Okay, so maybe the timeline is a little off. But the point is, suddenly families were computer animated, and you’re being told to get a breast exam by a cartoon hijabi drawn in pastel pink (“I’ve had my fake breast examined – have you?”).

But whyyyy? why are real women disappearing? and by real women, i don’t mean “a woman who can hold down a man and understand him”, i mean your basic everyday human live action woman.

I will not attempt to provide answers. I will, however, tell you what people say. Apparently, the ruling minority considers women (in any pose, dress, or form) too illicit (read: haram) for public view. One time, I helped translate this ad from English to Chinese for this big telecom company (<cough>MTN< cough>) as a favor for a friend. The draft ad was supposed to show a Chinese traditional opera singer with half of her face covered by a giant fan. It was beautiful. MTN rejected it because the woman (or rather, HALF HER FACE) was “too sexy”.

THIS, was “too sexy”: tumblr_lu5fi0eXyQ1r1p55l

But then again, if a tea lady’s feet can be exciting enough to make it law to have them wear socks, then why not a fully covered, overly made-up, half face?

….maybe that’s why Sudanese girls wear so much make-up! *ZING*

And another thing: why only printed ads? Why not television ads like Alwabil Tuna, Alwabil Rice, and Alwabil Sanitary Pads ? (that last one doesn’t exist) Our eyes are still assaulted by the same fat, ugly, bleached-face lady on those ads. If anything, she‘s illicit! Her ghostly white face and bloated (probably) cancer riddled carcass are enough to make anyone think suicidal/homicidal thoughts.

But seriously, though. The removal of these printed ad campaigns, which were just starting to instill in us some much needed self love by portraying women who actually looked like us (you know, BROWN) – fine, heavily airbrushed forms of us – has dealt  a double combo beatdown: not only are we left to wallow in our low self-esteem and high self-hatred, but we now have the extra burden of feeling washed out, insignificant, and completely rejected by our society.

Well, I guess I’m gonna be getting a lot of wear out of this awesome t-shirt  I will be receiving in 17 days:


The above post was brought to you by a real live human female.

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