Hush Hush Poetry (explicit)

I was 15 years old and on summer vacation
2 and a half months to revert back to innocence
2 and a half months to forget about drugs, sex, and issues of race
2 and a half months to run around 7eishan (courtyards)
pile in beds
having late night conversations with equally innocent friends

“i heard when you get married you have to do what your husband tells you”
“… you know.. in the bedroom… if he tells me to… i have to. Is it true? What is it like? what if i dont want to? what if i dont like it?”

My 15 year old cousin asking me if she’s obligated to give her husband a blow job. My 15 year old cousin. asking me. Her 15 year old cousin. Like I should know. Like back home in the West blow jobs are built into our school curriculum.

11 years later and things fall into place
and i’m amazed
at how everything seemlessly connects
like tying knots

knots around fingers
knots around minds
knots around tongues and
knots around necks.

knots around fingers
and this is why a 15 year old makes the perfect bride
when her husband can also double as her father
and command her
and she’s too young to know that her body and mind are her own
and that she has the right to say no.

knots around minds
and this is why a girl and guy can’t be seen together walking down the street
without alzan (doubt) and defamation lying in wait
while two dudes get it on in an SUV on Nile Street
as the Nile watches, crying rivers over this tragic degradation
cheap tinman versions of divine arbitration
(knockoff) Sharia made in China

knots around tongues
escape or exile of Safia
Kajbar, Darfur, Malakal
kulu zol fi 7alu
ana mali uw malu
completing the cycle
of knots around fingers
knots around minds
and knots around tongues


originally written on May 28, 2011.

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