Being Broke Totally Sucks [BSonblast #2.5]

Money is necessary. For everything.

I realize that I’m stating the obvious, but I’m frustrated.

I’m frustrated that money stands in the way of ambition. Even worse, I’m frustrated that it defines it. How much money I make (or don’t) is directly proportional to how useful I am as a person. No one wants to see you work hard or pay dues. They just want to know how much money you get at the end of the month. No one cares if you actually enjoy your job, that you love every drop of blood and sweat because this is what you love and you’re good at it and it doesn’t matter if you make less than your siblings or cousins or friends or enemies because you’re actually happy. That just shows that you aren’t ambitious, that you’re lazy, that you don’t have the skill to make as much money as others, that you don’t have the “foresight” to compare yourself to others.

I’m also frustrated that money defines self-worth. How much money I make (or don’t) is directly proportional to how important/good I am as a person. Even worse, I’m frustrated that I am starting to believe it, and my self esteem is becoming seriously affected by it.  Everyone just wants to know what you have: car, clothes, making it rain (on food). No one wants to know *you*. They are much more comfortable thinking your money is what makes you a good person. In women’s case, your self-worth is determined by how well your money put you together, i.e. how good you look, how expensive your clothes are, how made-up you are. This, of course, is the ‘generous’ assumption. In reality, the expectations of women are pretty low: it doesn’t matter if you make money or not, because at the end of the day you’re just going to get married and someone will make money for you. In fact, if you do make your own money,  it might prove to be a problem because any man who is interested in you might just be interested in your money (this also applies if you have a foreign passport).

These are direct quotes from ‘men’.

Like I said, money is necessary for everything. We need it to support ourselves and our families, to secure a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and all that necessary stuff. But what happened to looking past the money? What happened to being a good person? What happened to doing things because you enjoy them, and not because you’re aiming for a high return on the service? What happened to just being good at something, and not holding it over people’s heads or robbing them blind with the promise of teaching them that skill?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m an idealist. Or maybe (read: more likely) I’m just saying these things to make myself feel better because I’m in a rut in my industry and no one cares to hire me because they don’t understand or value what I do, and as a result I’m painfully broke with ne’er two pennies to rub together. Or maybe this is just the direction the world is going in, and Darwinism is about to kill me off if I don’t suck it up and get with the program.

Who freakin’ knows.

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