Written sometime in 2014
Hi, I’m Sara. I don’t believe we’ve met.
Although… You look mad familiar
And I’m sure I look real familiar to you too
‘Cause from the way you’ve been twisting, twirling, and tossing my name in your mouth
I could’ve sworn we was like *this*, son!
Nah, bruh, hold up, refresh my memory
Khajlana ana walahi [I’m embarrassed]
You seem to know me so well
When they told me
How you delved into my soul and unearthed those nuggets of secrecy
I won’t lie, I got a little worried
Not just ’cause you hijacked daffar 7ayaati [lit. the bus of my life]
But you managed to load it up with so many skeletons, and I couldn’t recognize a single one, B!
3arif almushkila shinu? [you know what the problem is]
I keep forgetting to change my privacy settings
And I’m guessing
That you were sitting in the back of the proverbial class
Watching every photo and status scroll past
And you started to notice all your friends’ comments— wait!
Is that what it was? Is that what happened?
You felt the pangs of jealousy w gulta ta2addibni, mush? [thought you could teach me a lesson, right?]
Created some elaborate conspiracy
Whereby I was the wise-cracking, pied piping frenemy
Out to corrupt the innocence of your buddies with my scandalous, elitist updates and tweets
Tell the truth
Did you catch yourself laughing at one of my posts and then felt dirty? Maybe a little guilty?
It’s okay, boo boo, I’m known to be quite witty
3adi ya3ni [it’s normal]
Baini w beinak, yakh, 7arra lakeen [between me and you, it stings]
7aragatak sa7? [it hurt, didn’t it?]
All those uppercase LOLs ringing in your aural cavity
Aww, was your wall looking a little bare?
Did you feel a little lonely?
Man, look, 3ayin, asma3ni [look, listen]
Ma takhud almawdou3 shakhsi [don’t take it personally]
Brotha, it’s the INTERNET
Shit ain’t never been that serious!
But you know what, though?
It’s my fault
I assumed you were smart enough to have a life
And didn’t buy into the internet celebrity hype
Or place stock in some like this share that self worth e-currency bullshit
But apparently, I got you fucked up and now we’ve come too far, and I can’t sugarcoat no more
I need to Candy Crush this pathetic ego trip
Cash in your FarmVille chips
Temple Run your way over to the store and purchase you an app for sense
Because its absence
Pains my existence
And on some realness
3eib kida ya baba
You’re too old for this shit.